When in the throes of an abusive relationship, it can be hard to imagine a life free from your harm-doer, much less one that is fulfilling and joyful. At FinAbility, we believe not only that you are capable of breaking free, but also that you can thrive after doing so.
You can thrive after surviving abuse. There is hope for a better future.
In the interest of sharing this hope, today we are sharing snippets from the stories of a few survivors from our team. These anecdotes provide concrete examples of how a rich and meaningful life can be built after escaping financial abuse.
Recalling her healing journey before escaping her harm-doer, Ruhani, member of our Survivor Advisory Committee, reveals that she turned to entrepreneurship by starting a small e-commerce business to "carve out space for herself" as she aspired for financial independence.
Although "many of [her] days and years were spent in survival mode during [her] marriage," Ruhani believes that achieving economic empowerment could have limited her former husband's control over her and her children.
Reflecting on the toll her relationship took on her, Ruhani says that "after years of [abusive] treatment, [she] internalized feelings of worthlessness, and [she] was isolated from supportive people in [her] life like [her] parents and sister."
While Ruhani's journey to economic empowerment and healing has been long and difficult, today, she is filled with confidence in herself and her ability to thrive.
"Economic empowerment has restored my sense of dignity and autonomy, allowing me to choose the direction and meaning of my own life," Ruhani says.
Another survivor, Keri, shares that when she fled her abuser with nothing but the clothes on her back, she faced a "different kind of trauma."
"I left 13 years ago, and I still haven’t fully recovered financially," Keri says.
Although Keri acknowledges that recovering from financial abuse is not a linear path, there are steps she has taken that have restored her confidence and helped her heal from the emotional scars of her relationship.
When she first left, Keri turned to journaling as a safe way to gather her thoughts and rebuild her confidence.
“When I started journaling, I began with simple affirmations like 'I didn’t deserve this abuse' or lists like '10 things I love about myself.' Over time,” journaling helped me rediscover my self-worth.”
Loss of autonomy, financial disenfranchisement, and low self-confidence are significant challenges to overcoming financial abuse. When leaving your abuser, you may struggle with fear about spending money or managing finances.
For Keri, a particularly empowering moment came when she made her first splurge—a Fendi handbag.
“One of the first things I did when I left was splurge on a couture Fendi purse. I might have needed [the money for] other things [at the time], but to this day, that purse symbolizes my freedom.”
For Keri, buying something for herself represented taking back control of her life. "That time when you controlled me and my money? It’s over. Now, I’m in control," she says.
Ultimately, remember that abusive situations can be temporary if you focus on creating the future you deserve—both emotionally and financially.
Financial abuse is challenging to overcome, but others have done it, and with the right support, you can too.
Visit www.finabilityus.org/ for more information on support groups, 1:1 financial mentoring, and financial literacy courses.
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